King of Wendey's

Takashi was a Japanese exchange student who was placed in our ninth-grade literature class as a twelfth-grader. His English probably wasn't good enough to properly interpret The Great Gatsby and A Separate Peace, and by "probably" I mean "with absolute fucking certainty". But he was nothing if not entertaining, good for about a half-dozen ESL quips a week. Once, in class, he was asked by the teacher what he did over the weekend, and he replied, with a shit-eating grin on his face, "...smoke pot."

And then he contributed this to society. I don't know the terms of the assignment, but I do know that it birthed an absolute masterpiece of the Engrish language. The piece needs no interpretation; it only demands extraction of the choicest words and phrases, such as "he hayed Wendey's", "French finds and milk shake", "chop his meat and make a burger", and "garbage track". Read on...

Takashi once became enamored of a joke made at his expense, and went about repeating to everyone the sentence "My name is take-a-shit". He then copy-pasted his name, shrunk it to the smallest font and printed it out, creating a shimmering, pointillist techno-concept piece that reminds of a monochromatic Richard Anuszkiewicz.